ADHD, Chronic Illness, and Paving the Road to Reclaiming My Life
As we near the end of Mental Health Awareness Month, I’ve been trying to find the right words for something I’ve been wanting to share. It’s a story about ADHD, chronic illness, and the slow, gritty process of reclaiming my life.
I was diagnosed with ADHD in June 2021, almost exactly four years ago.
Many women are diagnosed later in life, and for me, things really came to a head when the pandemic began. I was laid off, more scattered than ever, and suddenly lost all the structures and systems I’d built to survive. all while managing type 1 diabetes and navigating a world in crisis.
I pivoted into solo business ownership — a brand new world, full of possibility and unpredictability. It was exciting, but also completely overwhelming.
I started trying ADHD meds but I was also going through testing for other chronic health issues. There was a chance the meds could interfere with the results, or that the symptoms I was experiencing weren’t even ADHD-related. So, I stopped.
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[That health journey felt like walking through the depths of hell. I wasn’t sure I’d make it out alive — or even if I wanted to. I wrote more about that in a post in November 2023 called “hey, how are you? no really… how are you?”
It wasn’t until mid-to-late 2023 that I gained some sense of control. And honestly, not until late 2024 or early 2025 did I stop bracing for the other shoe to drop. More on that another time.]
Here’s a condensed timeline:
March 2020: pandemic begins
April 2020: furloughed from nonprofit job
July 2020: laid off
August 2020: diagnosed with Grave’s disease
Winter 2020: suspected another underlying issue
May/June 2021: diagnosed with ADHD + suspected PCOS
2021–2023: multiple endocrinologists + clinics + rounds of blood tests and imaging
August 2023: finally started treatment for a pituitary tumor after years of medical gaslighting
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(Quick author’s note: Looking at it laid out like this, not just of diagnoses and career shifts, but also of grief, heartbreak, and more behind-the-scenes unraveling than I could possibly fit here, I realize I don’t always give myself enough credit for how much I carried… and how much I’ve rebuilt.)
So many things felt out of my control. The psychological term is “learned helplessness.” I remembered studying it in college, and now I was living it.
LEARNED HELPLESSNESS: when you’ve faced so many things outside your control, over and over, you may start to believe there’s no point in trying anymore or that you have any agency to create postitive change in your life. Even when things do shift, it’s hard to trust it… hard to believe you can actually do something about it or that it will last.
It can show up as shutting down, feeling stuck, or moving through the day like a shell of yourself. And yeah — it’s deeply connected to depression.
This was a stretch of time where so many foundations I relied on disappeared all at once. And still somehow I kept going even when it felt like I was crawling.
Honestly, it felt like I was being dragged behind the bus with no clue how to climb back into the driver’s seat.
Healing does take a lot longer than you think. And especially with medication, it’s important to try one thing at a time to reduce variables and know what’s actually creating change.
Finally, in the fall of 2024, I decided to try ADHD medication again. It took time to get the dosage right because they titrate it up slowly.
But once I found the right dose? World-changing. Not in the way I expected, but in the ways I needed.
I’ve struggled with depression off and on, some situational, some trauma-related. But lately I’ve been wondering: how much of it was actually shame? Or the crushing weight of unrealistic self-expectations?
Shame for not being able to do things “like everyone else.”
Shame for the chaos in my brain.
Shame that told me something was wrong with me.
And then the meds kicked in and things just feel… less overwhelming.
I’m less overwhelmed now.
I’ve started building routines that support both my nervous system and the unpredictability of running a business, where no two days look alike.
I’m able to anchor my days in ways that work for me.
Things that used to stress me out? They just don’t anymore.
When I know I need to do something or even want to do something, more often than not I just… do it. You mean brains can actually work like that??
Many people with ADHD describe it like this: it’s like I’d been playing life on hard mode my entire life and didn’t know it.
I’m so thankful for medication.
Not because it “fixes” me but because it’s a tool.
One among others that helped me reclaim ownership of my life.
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More on those other tools to come, but if you read this far thanks for spending a moment in time with me.
If you’re reading this and you’re struggling and you don’t think you can live like this much longer, please know that you are loved. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for (I know it doesn’t feel like it right now). There is hope for a better future.
It is possible to heal. It is possible to reclaim your life again. If I can get here after everything I’ve been through, I promise you can too.
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